How Do We Go About Managing Our Sexual Drive After Premarital Sex?

Sunday’s evenings are usually insightful, engaging and entertaining, and last Home Fellowship meeting was no exception. The outline for the day was about the interestingly controversial topic of SEX, with the title “Managing Your Sexual Drive” to boot.

The time had come again for us to painfully tackle questions pertaining to our sexuality. I could only imagine how uncomfortable some of us may have been discussing such a subject openly, especially within the holy ambience of Church. But as always we had to deal regardless of our sensibilities, mainly because of the unavoidable importance of sex in our individual lives and relationships.

As a consequence, I have always held the view that in addressing life issues, (such as sex) we must endeavor to be honest and practical in our approach: meaning, I don’t want you to just preach to me but show me the “how-to-do”.

As an example, one of my favorite advice from the Word is “Flee from temptation.” It is so unashamedly stark and down-to-earth, as if saying, “dude, run for your life and forget trying to be superman!”

FLEE…!

It’s in this same vein, I’d like us to consider further one of the points treated during the outline review. In dealing with sexual sin  was the advice “Ask God for forgiveness and move on.” Based on 1John 1:9, that’s undisputedly the best course of action to take, for many are the dangers in leaving things unresolved. But I couldn’t help but wonder about the potential risk of thinking that moving on after receiving forgiveness is just that simple.

Many of us who may have tasted the forbidden fruit know it isn’t that straightforward. You don’t just experience premarital sex, and realize it is bad for you and ask for forgiveness and then everything is settled.

Instead, if you are lucky, you’d realize in time that the grace obtained from God after forgiveness must be determinedly fought for and held, as if for dear life – because after confessing our sins to the One who is faithful and just to forgive us, it is important to recognize we’ve only gone through the resolution of one problem, for there would be many more fierce battles to come, due to the simple fact that we crossed  a line we shouldn’t have, opening the proverbial Pandora’s Box.

For when we have sex, we move past the theoretical to experiential knowledge – the kind of knowledge that exposes you to a whole lot you never knew and would never have known, without having embarked on the erotic escapade.

Needless to mention how charged with sex our world is today, anyone indulging in sex for the first time, outside the context of marriage, stands the risk of running amok with addiction and promiscuity. The desire to go back to the act, under the persuasion and prodding of our carnality, is so strong, that nothing less than a keen and rigorous use of God’s grace would be sufficient in keeping us on top of it all.

Basically, it is almost completely beyond our own ability and resources to start afresh and continue the wait till marriage (especially for a long time) without falling back again to sexual sin. So I do believe it is the believer’s responsibility to not take things lightly.

We may have settled the indiscretion with God, but it doesn’t change the fact our eyes are now incredibly opened, our senses more attuned to the opposite sex, and our need for immediate self-gratification stronger than ever. So this begs the question, “What’s the how-to-do in this case?”

In my experience, I believe the foremost approach is to be “violently determined” in every possible endeavour that would help to keep us strong and undaunted. If drawing closer to God in prayer and meditation would help, do it like you life depends on it. If fleeing suits you well, whenever the temptation arises make it your absolute automatic default setting whichever way you can by God’s grace.

For the truth is, it is one thing to have God’s grace abound and it is another thing to purposefully exert one’s self in the use of that grace, that holds the power, love, and wisdom sufficient enough to ensure we stay faithful to the end.

Hence, we must do our part as we go on, for there is a high level of watchfulness, determination, grit and gumption that is inevitably required of us.

 

Here are a few Scripture References I picked up about how we should manage our sexual drive:

  • Ask the Holy Spirit for Help – John 14:15-18
  • Renew your Mind to strength and consciousness – Romans 12:2
  • Starve the habit, making painful decisions – Mark 9:43-48
  • For accountability, get help from people who are close and dependable – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
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